ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF

Behind my Super Mediocre persona lies a mere mortal writer. I give YA  F’s (keep it PG guys) Fiction, Fantasy & Funny! 

Author 

noun,  au·​thor | \ ˈȯ-thər

All-powerful, omniscient. Someone with the ability to kill people without being arrested, matchmakers to the best ships, creators of universe’s and society’s that defy logic and science. Known to suffer from bouts of antisocialism, caffeine withdrawal, said to invent words when the thesaurus fails them. Often conceive their best ideas around 3 AM.
 
//An Author is not to be tampered with. Do so and you may end up as an unflattering character persona in their next book.

 

I'M/I'D/I'LL

I'M/I'D/I'LL

I’m a sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.

I’d beat you in a game of air hockey.

I’ll never grow up.

I EAT

I EAT

Pizza- it’s always been you. In a hundred lifetimes, in every version of reality. I Choose you!

I'D RATHER BE

I'D RATHER BE

 drawing.

I SMILE

I SMILE

when Juventus plays/wins (when their beautiful faces grace across my eyes- my heart flutters) & Yeah Futbol too!

I DANCE

I DANCE

Quite horridly, but that doesn’t stop me.

CURLYHAIRBIOPAGESUPERMEDIOCRE_REALFINAL

HERO TO SOME, VILLIAN TO OTHERS

Either way, I’m packing some super mediocre seemingly insurmountable powers.

SKILLS

Pronounced  “skills” or “5k1LLz”

Disclaimer: said skills it seems, does not pay the bills

SINGING

SINGING

I silently sing the alphabet song, in my head everytime I have to alphabetized something.

PARALLEL PARKING

PARALLEL PARKING

When I said I parked 8 blocks away to get my steps in, what I meant was I can’t park for shit.

LACES

LACES

I can only tie my shoes using the bunny ear method.

SILENT WHISTLE

SILENT WHISTLE

Just put your lips together and blow, they said. I think I perfected the dog whistle instead.

IRONING

IRONING

Ironed the shirt for 20 minutes, still looks like a crumpled mess. 

DIRECTIONS

DIRECTIONS

Must hold both hands in the shape of an “L” to decipher left and right.

ATTRIBUTES

Waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial. Reader of (the) Thesaurus

MARVEL-OUS

MARVEL-OUS

People marvel at me, wondering how I made it this far in life. 

Motto

Motto

Analogue from birth, digital by design.

 

MULTI-LINGUISTIC

MULTI-LINGUISTIC

Curses in 5 languages

Fluent in 1337 5p34k :”1t’s r(_)d1m3nt4ry my d34r w4ts0n”

 

REGENERATION

REGENERATION

CPR certified, trained in using that breathing and heart shock thing: I’m cute enough to take your breath away, smart enough to bring it back.

LUCK-Y

LUCK-Y

A.K.A the absence of skill

Ex: If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

DEFENSE MECHANISM

DEFENSE MECHANISM

Sarcasm.

FACTS

Where opinions take up residence. Emboldened & indisputably true

FACT 1

FACT 1

Justin, I did my part in bringing sexy back

FACT 4

FACT 4

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is a really long word. Plot twist its also the fear of really long words. 

FACT 7

FACT 7

I can draw a crooked line with a ruler.

 

FACT 2

FACT 2

Humanity, it means your faith is so strong you look both ways before crossing a one way street.

FACT 5

FACT 5

I’m probably going to make up some testimonials. 

FACT 8

FACT 8

I am proud of myself when my $92 DIY comes out semi-resembling the $17 original version, that was not worth buying.

FACT 3

FACT 3

Gratefulness is humbling. Thankful I don’t have to hunt for my food. Where does pizza live?

FACT 6

FACT 6

Tripping over nothing and choking on air- are real things

FACT 9

FACT 9

I want to hulk out when the computer asks me if I’m a robot? No you technological piece of garbage, you ARE the robot.

FOOTERLOGO

Michelle Picariello © 2020 Site by Rebel Souls